You have to start somewhere....

Here's how it all began....


My name is Tara and I am a stay at home mom to our 8 year old son.   I work a few odd jobs here and there for some extra money at times, but for the most part my personal mission is to stay home to raise Noah until he's at an age that he doesn't need me to this capacity.


I always knew I wanted to do something more. I first acted upon my desires of wanting to help those less fortunate came when I was only 12 years old. I used my very own $20 and donated to the 'Feed the World' Campaign in 1984 and I still have the 'thank you' letter tucked away to remember this. You know, I didn't tell anyone I had done this.

Then in high school, I worked with children with Downs Syndrome.

Many years passed and I'm sure I had that burning desire, but life got in the way. Early 2007 was when the burning desire came back....it started when Oprah opened her school for little girls in South Africa, then when the first Idol Gives Back came out (the most touching moment was this video of Carrie Underwood singing I'll Stand by You).



Throughout 2007, I met my blogger buddies Angel, Vanessa, Nikki & Wendi online through our blogs and Red Letters Campaign. They were and continue to be inspirational – they are all AMAZING women. I stalked their blogs relentlessly.....learning of all that they did, do and continue to do. If you haven't already, I highly encourage you to visit their blogs (links found below). Then I got in contact with an old high school friend who told me (quoted from his email) “while we were in Cambodia, we met a really great local guy who brought us to one of the orphanages there. i got to play soccer with some of the kids. it was unbelievable. one of the best things i did.” I immediately thought, 'how cool, I'm gonna do that one day'.

Late 2007 to Summer 2008 was when my dreams started to take shape and my desire to "do more now" took shape. These months were particularly hard on me, because my husband and I were apart for 9 months. He had started a job (4 hours from home) and we waited and waited and waited for our house to sell. Life continued to be on hold. Our adoption – on hold. Being together – on hold. Wanting to do more – on hold. Moving – on hold. Life – on hold.

During the first 3 months, it was a pretty low time for me, another time in my life that I think I was very close to a deep depression, in fact I am probably in denial that I was in a deep depression. I missed Jacques so much it hurt. I would cry each Sunday when he would leave and cry each Friday when he arrived home safely. But during this time apart was when I found God. At first, I discovered that there was something 'greater than me'. I mean, I always believed in God but didn't necessarily follow his word, in fact, I didn't or hadn't ever owned a bible. It started off by watching 'The Secret', then rolled into 'A New Earth' but then became this deep fascination with my very first bible that I bought for myself.

I used to lie in bed at night wondering 'WHY me'? Why does all of this have to happen? Why can't I just GO somewhere to help someone? I was stuck in the 'Kingdom of Me' according to Kay Warren from Dangerous Surrender. God hasn't always made my path very easy, but I know now that he was preparing me for something greater than I'd ever know.

June 2008, we finally moved and our family was back together. I was so happy about this, I didn't have a care in the world. NOW, we could move forward with our adoption and my dreams. Life was finally off hold. We began going to a small church that we love. I began in my bible study and met some wonderful people. This is how I met Dianne and our hearts connected. I can't describe how happy and blessed I am to have a friend like her. We have so much in common.

Recently our family tried to adopt a 12 year old girl and when this broke down, so did I. I was an absolute MESS. Actually truth be told, I was well on my way to a deep depression and one phone call away from asking for medication.

After she moved out, we had several different reactions from people around us that left us feeling completely alone and abandoned. Even though I knew that I wasn't really alone, it still felt terribly lonely. But, knowing I had God with me at all times and that he had a much bigger plan for me than even I could recognize brought all the comfort I needed. In one email I received from a great friend, she suggested 'perhaps Jesus needs you to be broken. Maybe he won't fix you the way you think. Maybe the pieces won't glue back the same and it's just gonna take smaller broken-down shards to mold back into an entirely new vessel. Whoa - that's scary stuff! But he'll never let your pieces fall to the ground, he'll hold them in his hands while he works to put it all back together.' Each time my heart ached so much, I held onto her words, re-read them and kept repeating them to myself over and over.

I woke up on Jan 1, 2010 and decided that God would make it all better, I knew he could. It didn't change right away, but I decided that I would hold tight to my faith until I started to feel like a normal person again, away from the depression that was lurking in my back pocket.

January 4, 2010, Jacques returned to work while Noah & I had 2 more days until he returned to school. We got up and jumped right back into our old routine which included reading his devotionals, discussing his little devotional and having a little prayer. Then I got him to go downstairs and I read my adult devotional, continued reading my bible, said my prayers then went to my shelf of 'to read' pile of 7-8 books and tried to choose one. I chose 'Dangerous Surrender' by Kay Warren. I don't know why, but I just did (or so I thought). Once I began to read it, I couldn't put it down. It all started making sense why I chose this one, it was definitely a GOD THING that's for sure.

It was when I read "He allowed me to feel the sting of being ignored by some people whom I had assumed would be there for me. My faith was being tested in the crucible of cancer." that really hit home.  I mean, I wasn't faced with cancer but I had been faced with some devastating losses and my faith was indeed being tested through these trials.  What my friend had said weeks before this, about Jesus needing me to be broken so he could fix me differently – WOW - it was all starting to make sense.  From that moment on, I began to change.....

Since then, great things have happened. I began to feel happy again, as though a peace came over me all because I had my faith.  THAT very week, we went to visit our girl that we were supposed to adopt, had a great visit with much confirmation that we made the right choice, my son's school called to see if I wanted to work in the Kindergarten class (and get paid) plus we got some other great news that we can't share yet.

In December 2009, I had the opportunity of living vicariously through Dianne when she took her first mission trip to Haiti. I learned so much from her and was SO interested in doing all I could for her trip. We ended up raising $500 to buy rice for the school kids. Doing this fund-raising inspired me to do so much more.

Once they returned, Roland (the friend & his wife that Dianne traveled with) booked their trips for Dec 4-11, 2010. Roland emailed me and told me that he had booked my spot for this trip as well. I continued to resist....'but what if I can't find someone to watch Noah?', 'what if I can't afford to go?', 'what if, what if, what if?'.

I continued to read Dangerous Surrender and it began transforming the way I was looking at things. Everything that brought me to this moment in time all began making sense. God's plan and how he educated me through 2007, how he broke me down to make me what he needed me to be and now this, the opportunity to on my first mission trip.

January 8, 2010, Dianne and I went walking. We walked and this day was monumental and a day I will never forget. As we walked, I talked. I finally realized that I needed to say 'yes' in every way possible, to the mission trip and most importantly to God. So I did, this day I SAID 'YES'.

I am SO excited....I feel alive & free, better than I have felt in so long.  This reminded me of a  quote from Dangerous Surrender, by Kay Warren "What will this day hold? This day is fragile. It is sacred. There will never be another "first day in Africa". OKAY, for her it was her first trip to Africa and for me it will be Haiti, but still, I completely 'get' what she's saying. This is how I feel about this year as I count down to my first mission trip.  THIS whole year will be filled with many firsts for me, all having to do with living in my dream and feeling it become reality.


It's been a rough road to bring me to this fork in the bend, but I'm hear and without a doubt thrilled to have walked the path I did to bring me here.   I have describe this feeling like it's as though 'Gods hands were wide open to me and now they have narrowed to the path I'm supposed to be on.'

So this December 4-11, 2010, I will be in Haiti living my dream!  This is where it all started!